Welcome to the family, call me Professor

When I first started my PhD in France, I couldn’t help but address my PI with the formal “you” in french (“vous”), instead of the informal “you” (“tu”). She was very quick to tell me to use the informal form. It took some getting used to, but I stuck to it. 

You might be thinking “what does this have to do with anything?” but I truly think this changed something in how I saw myself, and how I understood my place in the research group.

Although the formal “you” doesn’t exist in English, there are other ways a hierarchical structure in a group lets itself known. Referring to the PI as “Professor” or being on a first-name basis will change the nature of the interactions between a trainee and a group leader. 

So how does this translate when it comes to mentorship?

One big family

An informal setting (“we are one big family here”) can have its advantages and disadvantages. You might be more willing to share your struggles in an informal setting, while you would perhaps be reluctant to do this in a formal one. It can be freeing in a way, the fact that you don’t have to play a certain “role” and minimize or tone down your character. Everyone is a colleague, everyone shares their ideas openly.

From my experience, in Sweden, first names are usually the default: even for deans, even in committee meetings. But that does not always mean the space is flat.

As a colleague once told me in the beginning of my PhD, “saying “tu” is all fine and good, but you are quicker to say “you are pissing me off” with “tu” than with “vous” (the expression they used was “tu me fais chier”, in case you were curious). There are some calcified expressions that can only come up with the informal form but never with the formal. 

“My teacher”

Formal settings where the PI is positioned explicitly as a teacher also come with advantages and disadvantages.

I found that in Switzerland, for example, formality is more common. People are kind and distant, roles are crystal clear. But also: respect is taken seriously, and mentorship often comes with clearer boundaries.

In my home country, addressing your PI by their first name would be unimaginable. Instead, the word “hocam” is used, which translates to “my teacher”. Yes, always possessive, MY teacher. And most often that gives the PI a sense of responsibility to carefully and properly train their students individually. 

At the same time, formality can create space for ego. When a PI’s authority is reinforced through every interaction, it becomes harder for anyone to challenge them. Praise may flow "upward" only. Their position becomes less about guidance and more about status. The students stop asking questions, not because they understand everything, but because they probably don’t dare to interrupt.

In formal settings in general, the structure of research groups is so clearly and indubitably hierarchical and the sense of respect is everpresent. In some ways, it is more honest than pretending hierarchy does not exist. 

A good mentor can come from either setting

Cultural contrasts will always be there, and since being an academic is an international profession, you must be prepared for these subtleties or lab-specific subcultures. You will most likely pass through research groups where everyone is on a first-name basis, and others where titles are enforced. You will encounter colleagues who use formal pronouns by reflex, and others who speak like everyone is in a group chat.

What I want to insist on here is that good mentorship does not mean being on a first name basis and addressing each other informally. A good mentor could be the one you are addressing as “Professor”.

I have seen some seemingly “non-hierarchical” research groups where being one big family put excessive pressure on the students and trainees. When a lab feels casual, it can blur the lines between professional expectations and personal dynamics. Suddenly, saying “no” feels like betrayal. You are disappointing your PI, you are letting down the family.

I have seen highly structured, formal labs where students were mentored with utmost dedication and knowledge transfer was prioritized over data generation

And the other way around.

What matters most is that students have a voice and room to experiment and grow. 

That they can ask a question, or say no, without fear or repercussions. 

That they are taught and guided, and then they are trusted. 

And when their time is over, they leave with confidence.