Everything, Everywhere, All at Once - or Being a Woman in Science

Disclaimer

I will speak from my own experience and from what I know the most — the case of being a (European) cisgender woman in academia. I don’t claim to represent or fully understand the struggles of transgender women or other genders in this article.

Everything: The Weight on Your Shoulders of Multiple Expectations

An Invisible Pressure

Women in academia constantly feel an invisible, exhausting pressure — if you are one of us, you know exactly what I mean. We’re expected to be exceptional, but somehow discreet about it. As efficient as any male colleague, yet still managing most of the tasks at home. We’re told to appear confident, but never too much, to avoid bruising any egos or sounding arrogant.

The Constant Double-Sided Sword We Must Manipulate

This contradictory expectation — to shine brightly, but not too much — forms the foundation of what’s often called the “double bind”. Women must constantly calibrate themselves to find a solution to satisfy two contradictory expectations or traits they should present: competence and compliance, ambition and humility. It’s not an easy task, and it requires a lot of mental gymnastics, which brings tiredness — we all know it.

The Shadow Judgments

“Everyone is watching” might be the most common background thought we carry, whatever the gender. For (cisgender) women in academia, it translates into a feeling of constant judgment of their work and capacity, mostly from hierarchical men. Indeed, the patriarchal behavior of some older professors — and society in general — remains a daily challenge for us. Just take a look at the famous paintings in the hallway representing former rectors or professors; how many women can you count?

Even when not explicitly expressed or just personal internal thoughts, reflects of our insecurities, some of these judgments are also real and present during evaluations, recommendations, and casual conversations. Bias is often invisible until you notice the pattern repeating — e.g., a man being placed over an equally qualified woman for a higher position.

Ambition vs. Expectations

We’re told to be ambitious, but also to remember our “place” as women. Confidence in a woman is called arrogance; in a man, it’s leadership.

This asymmetry quietly punishes ambition in women for the very traits that make them strong scientists. It’s a social paradox wrapped in old sexism.

Pay Gaps & Negotiation Nightmares

The salary gap between women and men with similar experience is still very real (been there). Negotiating pay becomes yet another hurdle — extra time, extra effort, just to reach the same level.
It’s not just about money; it’s about value. Every negotiation is a reminder that fairness isn’t automatic — it’s something women must still ask for.

Everywhere: The Hidden Emotional Labor We Obtain for Free

The Invisible Emotional Labor

The guilt of not helping somebody and our protective instincts as women run deep. We usually care more for our students, so we give them more time — often at the expense of our own rest.
This emotional generosity becomes an invisible labor. Then comes the long-term exhaustion of juggling excellence and empathy.
And yet, that empathy — undervalued and uncounted — keeps the academic system functioning, by maintaining natural human behavior in the workplace.

The Elephant in the Room: Binding Motherhood & Career Growth

When promotion time comes, women are often quietly sidelined — especially if they’re in an age range where they might have children. Don’t tell me it’s not a thing; I’ve seen it too many times.
Motherhood remains the academic elephant in the room — unspoken, yet constantly factored into decisions.

Balancing Life & Work (or Failing One of the Two)

Of course, we’re all different women — but really, who among us hasn’t felt these pressures? I am sure some of you even timed your pregnancies around projects or deadlines (been there). Which woman has never felt she had to “overperform” just to prove she can “have it all” and do it better than men?
This reveals how deeply the system was never designed for us (again, refer to the paintings hanging in the hallway).

Multitasking & Advocacy

Let’s be honest — who still holds most things together at home? Who remembers the kids’ classmates’ names, organizes birthday gifts, bathes, cooks, cleans, and still shows up smiling at work the next day? Mostly the women/mothers.

The modern academic woman doesn’t just multitask; she multi-lives!

And I must add, in some countries, mentalities are changing and becoming more equal. But globally, the same patriarchal model remains active.
Progress is slow, uneven, and fragile. Equality between women and men still feels like an experiment in progress.

All at Once: Carrying It, Fixing It, Changing It

The Superficial Institutional Policies

Institutions love to turn that struggle into decoration — a statistic to showcase, a line in a diversity report, even in their recruitment profiles. They write down plan of actions and reports about it. The idea that being a woman might somehow be an advantage during recruitment is a shallow illusion, born from policy rather than genuine respect. And that’s shameful.
Institutional “gender equality” campaigns shouldn’t be only cosmetic for the university image or limited to early-career stages. They should extend throughout the entire academic ladder. And let’s not even start on global disparities — I feel lucky to be European, while others face even harder battles.

The “Mom Tax"

Every woman I know in academia has been penalized, one way or another, for motherhood or care leave — fewer papers, slower promotions. The ERC’s recent 1.5-year extension of eligibility for each maternity during and after PhD time has been a very welcome step (from March 2023; Parental leave|ERC).
But progress like this shouldn’t feel revolutionary — it should be(come) the standard. Let’s hope others systems attributing grants follow.

Real-Life Survivors and Call to Action

Things are improving, but painfully slowly. In over 13 years — from the start of my PhD to when I “left” academia 1.5 years ago — I could count on one hand (maybe two if I am optimistic) the women who managed both a successful academic career and a balanced life outside it, without sacrificing one for the other.
Those women should not be exceptions compared to their male peers.
To all the women out there: speak up for your right to be paid and recognized equally. Have a baby when you decide — your job shouldn’t dictate your body. Stand together, share your struggles, and fight out loud. Solidarity is maybe our superpower. The quiet revolution should become louder.

Closing Thoughts

I am sure these thoughts apply far beyond academia. The fight for balance is universal; only the setting changes.
I acknowledge my very narrow awareness of other genders’ struggles. Just let me tell you I honor your specific struggles too, including those belonging to (cisgender) men themselves.